Around Christmas time in 2022, I remember my sister driving me back to the Philly airport. I was on my way back home to Tampa, Christmas break was over, and it was time to start planning my course syllabi for the approaching spring semester. During the ride I was sharing with her the book that I was writing, how I was feeling the call to share my poetry more publicly, and how one day I thought I wanted to leave academia for good. She was supportive like she has always been on my journey of me finding my own path forward. One thing about big sisters, is they are willing to ask the hard questions and share hard truths. For this, I am grateful for my big sister. And as we excited the interstate she said, “if you want to have a more public persona you just have to willing for people to find the skeletons in your closet.”
I excited the car, hugged her goodbye, and walked into the airport deep in contemplation. What skeletons are in my closet that I would be afraid of people to find out about me? I asked myself. And continued to make my way to pass through the security line of travelers hungover from all of the Christmas cheer.
I had been doing “shadow work” for the last few years up to this point. During this time, I had uncovered some parts of myself I was embarrassed, shameful of, and even at some points resented. This is the inner work I have learned that sets us free to be our most authentically expressed self. When we integrate our shadow, more parts of us get to shine bright.
This is how poetry has helped me heal. My pen has guided me to find internal resolution both in my psyche and my emotional body. it has been writing that has helped me bring forward parts of myself I shame/judge/suppress in a way that is curious, loving, and creatively shines a light. Most of my poetry in Half of Me: An Inward Journey Back Home to Wholeness explores these shadow parts.
Like the one poem that starts with, “to the man who wants to try to love me…I am reckless…” which is all about me exploring the part of myself I shame for being - well - reckless. Or the other poem that follows a similar theme that begins, “I am a hurricane.”
I have a poem about binge eating which has been something I have battled with most of my twenties (mostly pizza) and have come along way with finding internal resolution. Through poetry I learned that unconsciously I was using food to help my nervous system regulate so that it could feel safe. You can listen to that poem below. Thank you to my good friend Michaela for helping me name this poem, “Hungry for Comfort.” Because of poetry…it is very rare I find myself with a whole pizza on Friday nights by myself these days. And it also helped me bring gratitude to the relationship I have with my family, especially my dad.
So, on that cold December day walking into the Philadelphia airport, I remember whipping out my pen at the gate before I boarded my plane.
And I wrote…
And then I went on to write a longer piece that is wildly popular with an audience. Many women have come up to me after I share it to thank me for expressing myself the way I did so I continue to share it when I feel called to. One women maybe in her 70’s at one of my book events came up to me and said, “that’s been my pattern my whole life.”
Poetry for me, has been all about bringing new awareness to myself and the world around me, FEELING IT, accepting it, and moving forward as a more integrated and self-expressed authentic version of myself. I truly believe that is what we are all here to do. So, if you are at all curious about what writing poetry can do for you and how it can help you release emotional blocks of pain/shame/judgement I invite you to come join me this Tuesday for a poetry workshop I am hosting at 7:00PM EST via Zoom.
This month’s virtual workshop ‘April Shadows Bring May Flowers’ on Tuesday, April 16th at 7:00PM EST. I will guide you every step of the way to bring a poem that is in your heart to life.
You can get access by using this Eventbrite link and registering for $22.00.