Big Life Altering Choices Part II.
When your brain and heart are at battle, I hope you choose to follow your heart
Choices Part II.
In the last few weeks, I have made a choice that will alter my timeline of life once again. I am over the moon to share that I will be joining Tampa General Hospital in their Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program as part of their spiritual care team this summer. This is a three-month, intensive, full-time commitment and it is a choice I made consulting both my head and my heart. And from that place, I let the divine force of God pull me forward on the path to say, “yes” to a new adventure as I agree to walk into the unknown once again.
In Part I. of this series, I shared last week how the book, ‘What Made Maddy Run’ and the story of Maddy Holleran’s life made a profound impact on the work that I do today. As I mentioned in the last post, (which you can read here to catch-up) I am someone who used to be Maddy. When I looked in the mirror, it was her that I saw looking back at me. An intelligent, introspective, and a young woman wildly driven by a need for perfectionism. And it was by the saving grace of the loving support of my family, friends, mentors, and finding my path back towards the ultimate truth of love through my pen, that my heart finally won the constant battle that was fought for far too many years between my head and my heart.
You see, most of my life, I made choices with just my head. Until the compounding impact of those choices would eventually erupt through spiraling thoughts that manifested in overwhelm and anxiety. I believe that’s what happens when we suppress our heart’s desires. A volcano of emotions begins to overflow. Emotions (anger/frustration/overwhelm) that have built-up that get set on fire by a burning desire for our spirits to fly free.
You see, the mind is logical and oftentimes operates off of ‘shoulds’, like, you should do this because it makes the most sense rather than what the heart would say, I would love to do this because I am most curious and lit-up about this. The mind operates off of its past conditioning of programming and if you have not looked at these programs, it’s just firing neural pathways on the autopilot of your past known experiences. I would (and honestly, still do sometimes because of this default pattern) have an internal dialogue like, “If I get this degree…get this job…get this.(insert anything external accolade) and reach this next milestone, then finally I will be a happy and fulfilled human”. Because I used to think the external world could fill the hole I oftentimes felt inside my heart.
But I have had to learn through many life lessons and check-ins with my heart that the choices of the mind can only get you so far. It would not be until the age of thirty-one, that I would understand how years of my suppressed emotions made from the level of my mind and many degrees and jobs later that the external world is only a mirror to how we truly feel on the inside and what we truly believe to be true. Nothing outside of us (money/relationships/shopping/etc.) will ever make us feel whole. If you have seen me, take my life back little by little over the last few years, it has been because of the conscious choice to reprogram my mind and body to align with the divine spirit and let that force lead me forward.
I have learned that when the heart leads, we get pulled forward by a divine force in a direction of Universal flow. One that can’t possibly make logical sense because it comes from the heart. Many of us are here in this lifetime to liberate ourselves, become fully expressed, and be seen for our hearts on fire.
So, in a little over a week I am walking into Tampa General Hospital with my heart on fire to deepen into ministry. I know it’s the right choice because I have taken the time to clear my signal enough to hear when God is calling me forward. I will be joining a peer group of different faith backgrounds to engage in both clinical and classroom education to provide support for patients, family members, and staff members in hospice, plaintive care, the trauma ward, and more. It is three months of intensive 40-45 hours a week kind of program that makes me both excited and nervous to throw myself off the diving board once again into the deep end and learn how to swim. This position is unpaid.
If you would like to support me on this next journey of my heart this summer, below are a few ways you can support me
Pick-up the phone to send a text/phone to send an uplifting message of support.
Support me with a financial gift as I continue to build my entrepreneurial ventures (writing/speaking/workshops).
Send a prayer of support from your heart after you read this post
p.s. if you enjoy my writing stay tuned…I know I will have lots to share here about my journey of the heart this summer.
This is also the work that I support individuals with today.
I support individuals in a one-on-one capacity just like you to make choices from their hearts. Because over and over again I have witnessed the miracles that happen when someone does. These are Individuals who have the awareness that they are not here to live a “normal” life written by the scripts of mainstream culture. These individuals are willing to surrender into the unknown and make a choice from the heart. These are individuals who are here to follow their Soul’s path and purpose in this lifetime. Through my writing, workshops, and one-on-one mentorship my intention is to always guide people back home to their hearts and move from that place. And to help people bring new awareness and acceptance to creating a life that comes from the heart - which I believe is where our Soul emanates from.
If this sounds like you, I have just two spots open for 1:1 mentorship this summer (June/July/August). Mentorship has been an instrumental part of my journey and I am excited to hold space for others the same way my mentor Aaron Rose held space for me. If this sounds like something you might be interested in please email me at jennifergellock@gmail.com and we will jump on a call next week.