Your Most Natural State is Healed

A poem I shared at Take Back the Night's Global Summit

I realize my body holds on

so everyday

I must remind it

that it is safe to let go

This week, at my new job as a garden magician, my boss said something profound to a customer who had a sprained ankle. She said, “your most natural state is healed” and I almost cried right there on the spot as truth bumps rose to the surface of my skin. One reason why there is so munch stigma around our mental and emotional wellbeing is because you cannot “see” the brokenness inside someone’s brain or heart. However, trauma impacts both our brain and our bodies in such a way that it seeks to find its way back to its natural state - healed. I truly believe if we are willing to slow down, give ourselves the time and space, we will restore mind/body/heart so our Spirit can stream through.

---

When I first put my pen to paper back in 2020, it was the first time I began to find a safe place at home within myself. The paper became a daily place of refuge I would escape into to be witnessed for a range of emotions from my heart’s desires to regret and shame. I did not realize until I started writing how many things that were ultimately haunting me inside, like ghosts preventing me from living a life fully on my own terms.

Last night, I shared a poem for the first time that I had written processing a sexual assault that I had experienced in college. When Take Back the Night put out a call for artists and poets for their Global Summit to end sexual violence, I was intrigued by the opportunity. I knew I had things to write about, but I did not know how deep the wound inside me still was until the conversation I’d had inside my head for too many years ended-up on the paper in front of me.

Finally, I got to witness and feel - maybe it wasn’t my fault for one of the first times since 2010.

I am not an expert on this topic. However, I do know, that I am one of millions of men and women who hold stories inside their hearts that have been left unresolved. The news calls us statistics, but I call us resilient, brave, and more than any number could describe us by.

I wrote the poem first and foremost to bring internal resolution at home within myself. My mind/body/heart felt safe enough after the years of work I have done with my nervous system to be ready to admit what had happened wasn’t my fault (which many survivors struggle through as an internal battle) and ready to release its trauma from my body. If you or someone you know is struggling with something internally or facing resistance in life and do not know why. I encourage you today to take out a piece of paper, a pen, and move from a place of curiosity and self-compassion. There are many modalities for restoring us to our natural state and my pen has been my personal saving grace over and over again.

One of the reasons I feel called to share my writing is so that others do not have to feel alone in their experiences. I know I have a gift to express myself through written word and if my poetry helps one person move closer to seek support for their own internal resolution then sharing my personal story was worth it. I hope today that you know that you are not alone on your journey back home to wholeness.

My Substack is a supporter-backed outlet where I share weekly stories, reflection, and personal journey of spiritual growth.

**Please know, the below video is a poem I wrote about a sexual assault I experienced in college. If you choose to watch it thank you for being witness to my healing and take care of yourself. If it moves something deeper inside you that is ready to be witnessed, please find a trusted friend or mental health provider support you on your journey of finding internal resolution**

More about Take Back the Night

Take Back The Night is the oldest worldwide movement to stand against sexual violence in all forms. TBTN began in the 1970s with a Tribunal Council meeting in Belgium attended by 2000+ women representing 40+ countries. Our earliest activists protested the lack of safety for women, whether walking down the street alone at night. In 1973, in the United States, a group of women at the University of Southern Florida dressed in black sheets, held broomsticks, and marched through campus demanding a women’s center. In 1975, a large crowd in Philadelphia staged a Take Back The Night Event to protest the murder of a microbiologist walking home after work. In the 70s, San Francisco had a number of rallies in protest of “snuff” pornography and violence against women.

These early protests sparked thousands of events on college campuses and in global communities of all sizes — from remote Canadian towns to bustling Calcutta streets, from Ivy Leagues to military bases. Each working to end sexual violence and support victims. We continue to increase our impact and add more communities, and TBTN now reaches millions of people each year!

Photo by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash